my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
Randomize
