We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
He keeps bees of course he's weird
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
Randomize
