Can Purell be used as lube?
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
Randomize
