They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize
