last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
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