He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
Randomize
