My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
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