The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Randomize
