its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
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