MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
Randomize
