I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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