Regardless thnx for trying to help out, I realize we are dealing w/ very stupid girls here
remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
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