I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
Randomize