With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
Randomize
