Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
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