I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Randomize
