So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
Randomize
