I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
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