I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Randomize
