Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
Randomize
