Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
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I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
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