Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
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