If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
Never let your siblings swipe right.
Randomize
