remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
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