i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
My liver just had a heart attack.
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
Randomize
