someone threw a dead crab at me
She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
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