Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Randomize
