oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
Randomize