yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
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