Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
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