"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
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