Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
Randomize
