if i can run in heels then i can drive
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Randomize
