a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
Randomize
