i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
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