Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
Randomize
