we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
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Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
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60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
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