Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
I think im going to throw up on grandma
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
i think i just naturally attract stoners
Randomize
