Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
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