does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
Randomize
