You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
Randomize
