wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
Randomize
