come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
ron's 8" boning knife is for sale. oh and it comes with a flavor injector.
High?
hahahahaha turkey breast
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
