I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
Randomize
