My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
Randomize
