that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
she pinky promised me she was 18
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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