You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
Randomize