There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
i just had sex bonerless
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
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He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
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Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
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