Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
Randomize
