I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
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