So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
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