on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Randomize
