Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
