every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
Randomize
