I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
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