i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Randomize